"Sexual Addiction" is a controversial term referring to the persistence of sexual thoughts or behavior that produce adverse consequences. That means that the sex addict continues to think and behave in a sexually destructive way in spite of significant negative consequences. These consequences may involve relationship problems, work problems, financial problems, and lost opportunities. Sexual addiction is not a clinical diagnosis such as Impulse Control Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
There may be other explanations for sexual aggression or dishonesty, such as sociopathy (little or no conscience) or mental illness. Child molesters and rapists are not sex addicts, and I do not treat them. They have much more serious problems and their treatment should be in a locked facility, at least in the beginning.
Am I a Sex Addict?
If you are looking at this page, sex has probably caused you or someone in your life to feel hurt, anger, remorse, anxiety or other negative emotion, but that does not mean there is a sexual addiction present. One indicator is if the behavior is repetitive and especially if it is escalating. By taking the simple test below, you can find out how likely it is that you or your partner have a sexual addiction.
What is the Treatment for Sexual Addiction?
Sexual addiction/compulsion is an individual problem in a relational context. That means that the sexual addiction is having an impact on the important relationships in the addict's life, and that treatment must address issues inside the addict and in his or her important relationships. Generally, the addict must have individual and group therapy, as well as couples and sometimes family therapy. All of this is quite expensive and takes time and patience. There are no known "quick cures" of a few days or weeks. Inpatient programs are often a good choice for getting started in recovery, but are not a cure. In addition to treatment, the addict may choose to attend 12-step meetings and the partner may need to attend meetings for partners of sex addicts. While these meetings can be very helpful in maintaining focus on recovery, people who have engaged in criminal behavior may also attend (even though it is not appropriate) which can be offensive to sex addicts.
Trust
Trust is a major casualty of sexual addiction. Some form of dishonesty is almost always involved when the addict engages in destructive sexual behaviors. That dishonesty blocks intimacy and then when all or part of the truth comes out, trust is shattered. Rebuilding trust requires honesty and openness about the thoughts, feelings and behavior of the sex addict and the partner. Criticism and defensiveness are counterproductive, and in fact may reinforce the addiction. Trust can only be rebuilt by understanding how the addicts mind works and why they don't want to relapse. Just vowing to be "good" is very unlikely to work.
Some professionals recommend full disclosure of all details of the sexual behavior, such as names, dates, phone numbers, websites, and hotel information. Many strongly recommend polygraph verification. However, this presents some hazards. The partner will have even more vivid and detailed images of their partner's behavior, which they may not be able to easily get out of their mind. The partner may be more likely to give in to the desire to become a sleuth and try to control the addiction for the addict. Thus, what is to be disclosed should be considered carefully in the context of couples therapy for the sake of both and the longevity of the relationship.
Kalichman Sexual Compulsivity Scale
A number of statements that some people have used to describe themselves are given below. Read each statement and then circle the number to show how well you believe the statement describes you.
- My sexual appetite has gotten in the way of my relationships.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- My sexual thoughts and behaviors are causing problems in my life.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- My desires to have sex have disrupted my daily life.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- I sometimes fail to meet my commitments and responsibilities because of my sexual behaviors.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- I sometimes get so horny I could lose control.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- I find myself thinking about sex while at work.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- I feel that sexual thoughts and feelings are stronger than I am.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- I have to struggle to control my sexual thoughts and behavior.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- I think about sex more than I would like to.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
- It has been difficult for me to find sex partners who desire having sex as much as I want to.
- Not at all like me
- Slightly like me
- Mainly like me
- Very much like me
To Score: After completing all items, add the numbers next to each item. As you can see, a score of 20 could mean that you could have at least a mild sexual addiction. A score of 25 indicates you probably have a sexual addiction, and a score over 30 means you are very likely to have a serious sexual addiction.
For a more extensive test, click on https://www.recoveryzone.com/tests/sex-addiction/SAST/index.php.